As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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