but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just invented taco cereal.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
