you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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