my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
