I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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