You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
