i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
