She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
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When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
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We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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