A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
