Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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