why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
