i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
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