the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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