Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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