Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
