Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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