I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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