I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
