i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
