I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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