So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
