How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
