he shaved USA in his pubs
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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