dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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