i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
