Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
