her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
