why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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