Can Purell be used as lube?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
