drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
