someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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