franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I wish they made helmets for livers.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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