I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
