I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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