Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
