Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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