Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
