I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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