i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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