all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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