I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
