im gay
i know
yea but for you.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Couch. On fire.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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