The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
