Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
