i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
