Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
