the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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