Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
