stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
