worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
