you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
