You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
