the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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