Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
