dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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