his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
