If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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