absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
