I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
