We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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