Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
