just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
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He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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