dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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