he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
