I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
