I smell stomach acid.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
