i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
