It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
