Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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