Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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