You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
