I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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