We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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