How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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