I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
