I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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