the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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