i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
