she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I will pee on everything he values.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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